Scourging at the Parlor

As a guy, I have no interest when it comes to skin care. Going for a facial, in particular, is not really my thing. The most that I could do is buy a facial liquid-soap and that’s about it. No need to go to a derma clinic to have my face cleaned, I’d say. Hilamos lang ok na.

But it was one lazy Sunday afternoon while strolling at Festival Mall with the missus that changed all that. The missus insisted that we go for a facial. I said “No!” at first but then realized that, “Hmmm…did you say we are to lie down while we have a facial? That means I could have a nap! Hmmm….very inviting…”

And so I said YES. We went to a clinic called Ageless and I had my very first facial. It was a very relaxing, rejuvenating feeling to be honest ---and I think I was able to get that power-nap which hopefully the attendant didn’t see me spew bubbling saliva while I was dreaming (and that’s another story, hehe). She even showed me the black/white heads she was able to scrape off my face and it was very satisfying.

We went there again last June but last weekend, we went to another clinic called Let’s Face It (same mall) since we saw that the rate is cheaper by thirty pesos.

And this is where the real story begins.

The missus and I were asked to enter the main room after registering. We were given bibs so that when we washed our face our clothes won’t get wet. Hmmm, mukhang lamang itong LFI ah, I thought.

Then we proceeded to the facial beds. The missus and I were able to lie next to each other since the place was not that full, except for two elderlies waiting for their face-masks to “cook.”

The attendant started with a minty soap/lotion which I found very relaxing, as usual. After which, she wiped my face with a warm towel. Hmmm, relaxing na naman. Then, she covered my eyes with cotton patches since it was about time for the steaming part. This was for about 5 minutes. I dozed off (and snored) as the missus recalled since she was able to recognize my signature snore.

After the steam, the attendant sat down to begin the pricking part. I remember that in Ageless, the other clinic, the pricking was not that bad so I thought the same should be here at LFI.

I was dead wrong.

The attendant started with the top of my forehead. I uttered a loud “ARAYKUPO!” but only in my head. It was so painful that it was like she pushed 10 pins on that one small dot on my forehead. I thought that I was already bleeding since it felt like it.

Little that I know that this would become the first of many painful pricks (or shall I say stabs?). To add, there was even a part wherein if I can imagine, was like squeezing a part of my face using two knives just to get the embedded black/white head out. Akala ko talaga mamamatay na ako sa sakit. To counter the pain, I would rub my two feet together to feel a different sensation but the “stabbing” was just overwhelming.

So she pricked from my forehead, to the sides of my eyes, to my cheeks, and near the eyes.

Then below my lower lip. I sort of smiled when she came to that section since it felt ticklish when she was looking for the white/black varmints. I tried not to laugh.

But then……she started pricking again.

ARRRRAAAY!!! HWAAAAH! I said again in my head. The attendant seemed to have ESP and stopped, grabbed a tissue and wiped a tear filling-up on the corner of my right eye. I sort of sighed but then again she grabbed the two knives and started slicing me up again.

As Sting would say, this was by far the King of Pain.

I could hear the missus and her attendant talking but not clearly on the next bed. Hmmm she must be having a good time. I better ask her later what they were talking about.

Eventually, the pricking stopped. The attendant soaped my face again then used the laser-thingy to close the pores. The familiar smell of burned skin (and blood?) told me that the scourging was finally over.

I stood up and went out to the cashier to pay for their “services.”

The missus went out and the first thing she asked was, “Binigyan mo ng tip?”

In my mind I said, “Are you out of your mind??? I almost died back there!” but I grabbed a P100 bill from my wallet and told the cashier that the 2 attendants should split the loot.

So I asked the missus what she and the attendant were talking about earlier. This was how I recall their conversation went:

Attendant: “Nagpa-facial na ba kayo dito before ma’am?”

Missus: “Oo. Pero hindi ganyang kasakit yung pag-prick.”

A: “Kase ma’am kaya ganyang kadiin para makuha naten lahat ng white/black heads. Pwede ko namang ganito-ganitohin lang (she pricks her face lightly) pero walang makukuha.”

It was when the missus mentioned that a tear rolled over her face when she tried to peek that we both started laughing incessantly. We were like soldiers from Vietnam exchanging war stories. Even after the agony, we were tearfully laughing.

So it wasn’t only me who had the unusual painful facial. It’s sad if it’s true what my sis said that they prick harder if you don’t want to have a facial mask as an additional treatment.

For an additional P30.00 for extreme pain, we find that it's not worth it to go to LFI.

I guess by next month we’ll go back to Ageless.