The "O" Cult

The missus is a member of what I fondly call the Oprah Cult. Shown at Star-World every 9am and 1pm on weekdays, she would watch every episode without fail ---including the replays.

“Di ba napanuod mo na yang episode na yan?”

“Eh Oprah eh.”

About 30% of our conversations involve the missus uttering, “Ang sabi nga ni Oprah…” or “Parang ganyan yung sa Oprah…”

I’ve got nothing against Oprah. Her topics are very timely and every new episode gives me a new reason NOT to migrate to the States ---stories such as teenage depression, child molestation, extreme obesity, infidelities of married couples, Tom Cruise dating Katie Holmes, to name a few. It makes you feel glad to say, “Buti na lang walang ganyan sa ‘Pinas!”

I think if they set up a big screen in front of the Embassy showing only the Oprah show, it will definitely deter the would-be immigrants from going to the States ---hence shortening the queue. The fishball and sago stands nearby will definitely lose profit.

The only thing I hate is the “clap-happy” audience. They seem to be applauding anything (and I mean ANYTHING) that Oprah says ---most of which I don’t even think deserves an applause. I’ve been telling this to the missus since Day-1 but she seems to have been brainwashed by the all-knowing priestess.

Then came last Friday’s 1pm show.

Fridays are a time for me to have lunch at home since it’s 2.5hours “unofficially.” With 2 packs of pork-rice, my lunch with the missus reached her 1pm high-Mass with Sistah Oprah.

The topic was regarding mean teenage-girls that had issues on not feeling pretty, and alcoholism, among others. As in most episodes, Oprah would hire a psychologist to have a professional opinion on the matters at hand.

There was this instance wherein the psychologist was explaining beautifully the reasons as to why this one girl had a certain issue (sorry the exact details escape me at the moment). I myself was amazed at how this shrink was able to analyze the whole thing. “This better deserve an applause,” I thought. To my surprise and disgust, the audience didn’t applaud.

Then the camera focused on Oprah. For a brief moment, she seemed lost for words ---rightfully so since the shrink had covered everything that needed to be said. Oprah had nothing left to say except, “Talk to the people.”

Then, as if on cue, the audience gave a loud applause.

“What the freakin’ ass was that?!?! Nakita mo ba yan?!”

“Alin?”

“Ayan oh! Yun lang sinabi ni Oprah eh pinalakpakan pa ng audience?! Ano ba naman yaaaan? Yung psychologist ang ganda-ganda ng sinabi di man lang inappreciate?”

“Eh si Oprah yan eh.”

It's official: the missus has been brainwashed.

Ayos talaga. There goes another reason NOT to migrate to the States.